It’s no secret that we’ve all been stuck “safer at home” for quite a while now. I had asked my guide for a card to write about way back in March, and I really did try to become inspired but it felt forced. Today, I decided I’d try again.
The card I received was the world card from my Anna K Tarot deck. To me, this card represents completion...something I was trying obtain closure on or finish has happened. It’s a satisfied feeling of—it’s done...finally.
I struggled with this because what could this mean? My life is far from over and I have a long list of unfinished projects and open ended goals. What have I actually completed? I feel more lost now than before, I’m taking a whole left turn in my spiritual practice...I just don’t get it. What does this card mean???
Then I realized why this was sent to me. The tears began to flow because it really is an important moment. I now know why I was unable to write about it before because I wasn’t there yet.
As most of you know I consider November to be the last good month my son Brandon had on earth, and the countdown towards his death begins. Though this happened in 2018, I am feeling all if this as if it’s now—only this time, I know what’s coming but I’m powerless to stop it. Everyone may be celebrating thanksgiving, but my heart is hanging on to that last phone call, that last text...his final moments before depression stole him from us.
I struggle with this time of year. I will never be able to escape that Groundhog Day pattern that my mind marinates in during November. It’s become part of who I am, a lingering ache that a child is missing and won’t ever grow old. I hide this from many friends, but those close know this about me, and they wait for me on the other side of this. They support me, and we carry this burden together. I’m not alone in missing him. I’m not the only one with a broken heart.
How on earth does the world card fit here? You’re wondering now, because it’s obvious that my inability to move on means there’s not closure here...but there is.
I’ve come to accept that this is my new normal and that it’s perfectly ok to feel this way. The steps I’ve taken to connect on a soul level to the spirit world has brought me to a place where I can accept the loss of Brandon ON EARTH, because he’s not really gone!! In fact, I hear from him now more than I did when he was alive. He sends signs like quarters, and plays pranks like making sure all peppermint mocha within 15 miles is unavailable on a day when that’s all you want. We see his mustache in crazy places like on a dog in a commercial, and we know he’s stops by in our dreams. He’s here, he’s there...he is everywhere. We aren’t the only one he says hello to.
I’m taking courses in mediumship and exercising my innate psychic ability (we ALL have this) to learn how to tune in. Sitting in classes and practicing with other students, I have had the joy of making sweet contacts...but I also see Brandon working, teaching my peers and being their spiritual tutor as I receive practice readings. I know he loves these classes because the student says—I feel like I just really want to laugh right now, this must be your son! I’m seeing that this next step in my life is beginning to launch into territory I never knew existed. Making this spiritual journey has changed everything, and though it started with sacrifice, it’s full of joy.
The world card for me represents closure on old belief systems that limited me and prevented me from understanding all that we are capable of. I’m letting go of the words I can’t. I’m allowing myself to become limitless and embrace the world that lies just beyond our fingertips, unseen. I’m beginning a new chapter that was brought to me through grief and loss, one that has always existed but was outside of my comprehension.
When a door closes because YOU CHOOSE to shut it and move on, there comes a deep satisfaction. You have done what you were meant to do, survived challenges and overcame obstacles that were part of the journey. You have seen this through to the next stage and it feels really good to move on—even if you don’t know where you are headed! This is the world card in real life. Not everyone from that last stage will travel with you, and that’s ok. Maybe you’ll meet them again, maybe not. Everything and everyone you interacted with has a purpose. Gather up all of that experience, leave behind the baggage...and let’s head out together to see what’s next.
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