Today I was given the queen of cups from Anna K Tarot to write about. This doesn’t surprise me at all considering what I’ve been through in recent weeks. I can’t and won’t go into all that’s happened but it has been both life shattering and life elevating. First let’s look at our lovely lady.
We see here a queen who is sitting quietly, pensively, maybe trying to regroup after a tough day. The water in this deck always represents emotion. The moon is keeping her company along with the stars but it’s not a full moon. Everything here is pointing to the fact that she has been running on empty and needs to replenish her spirit. She’s loved someone, trusted someone, and it didn’t work out in her favor. This is the queen that runs on emotion with her heart on her sleeve. She is all in, and when she loves you it’s with all she has. She will willingly sacrifice, and if you were to ask she would give you her last breath. She’s the loyal friend, she’s the loving mother, she’s the supportive teacher cheering for you along the way. The warning with this card is that being this queen is difficult and can use you up. The world can use you until there’s nothing left to give. The emotion runs deep in this card because we’ve all been her. At some point in our lives we have to surrender and realize that it’s time to take a step back, it’s time to stop giving, it’s time to say no.
A few weeks ago I began a very emotional journey with my guide. I fasted from everything electronically which included all forms of social media, texting and television. I did allow myself to use YouTube because of the guided meditations there. Everything else was put on hold. I also fasted from food, allowing only water and black coffee. I spoke about all of this in my last blog entry, so I won’t get too deep here. I will only say that as a result of my retreat, I was forced into some major life changes.
Those of you that have followed MadHawk tarot on Facebook know that one of the changes included me going off on my own. I now host my own tarot Tuesdays, as a live event on my page at 8 PM EDT. I also have changed my outlook into a very spiritual one, based on my connection with my guide and my new journey. I do pull cards every day for clients, and I leave one on my page for the group. Feel free to look that up, because an important part of my journey is sharing this with you.
However, as hunky-dory as this all may sound, I was devastated and for a time it was like the tower card visiting me in real life. Major change shook me, and instead of rising to the challenge I cowered in the corner. I can fully admit that I allowed my power to be taken. I surrendered all that I was and none of that was necessary! I formed a spot on my couch with a semi permanent dent of where I sat and watched TV and did nothing else. Any ground that I had gained with exercising, meditating, taking care of myself – – was slipping away. I had no idea what to do to escape this, I just needed to be numb.
I share this with you because I was this queen. I had given up a lot, and I had retreated. One day I woke up and I realized that I could reclaim my power. I could replenish myself and no longer run on empty. I didn’t have to cower in the corner…and I needed to stop making that choice. I look at this queen here, and i see that she is smiling. It’s a small smile, but it’s there. Her hand is in the water, her feet are in the water, and she’s reflecting on everything that’s happened up until this point. The water is washing away all of the negativity that she has gathered and it is grounding her back to where she once was, restoring her. The moon in this card is waxing. That means that it’s growing closer to full, and she’s closer to becoming the powerfully spiritually connected being that she’s always been.
I am making my own come back right now. I have reclaimed my power. I have restored my spirit. There are people that have believed in me every step of the way, and I have used all of that energy to climb up out of the hole I was in. I’m sending a shout out to those clients, those friends, those family members that worried about me, and never stopped believing in me. Thank you. You’ll never fully know how much I needed you, and one day I hope to return that favor. If you are ever in that dark place, and if I can be a light to help you find your way back as you did for me...I’ll do it!
I have a new guide that has joined me because of this shift in my journey. You may have noticed a difference in the cards. She was sent to me to help me with reading angel cards, tarot and oracle cards, and anything expressing thoughts and ideas through words. She’s helping me right now, thank you Lucy! She has opened the door to a new way of looking at things and understanding that the spiritual world blends into everything we do but only if we choose it. Angels are everywhere, and I do mean everywhere! You may never see them but I have no doubt that you have felt them. I’m convinced that our guides and angels are working together everyday to help us on our own paths in life. The new direction my life is taking is one based on trust and faith. It’s not easy to surrender control, but creating space in my life has allowed amazing things to happen. I’m being led, and for the first time, I’m allowing myself to listen and follow. I know in my heart I am deeply loved and protected. I only need to ask, receive and believe.
Life comes full of sacrifices. Friends enter your life and exit your life. Some are with you for just a season, for just a reason and not a lifetime. Some are with you forever—treasure them for they are rare! Accept all the gifts and lessons you’ve gained from these people and when it’s time, move on without regret. As heartbreaking as it sometimes can be, it is absolutely necessary for your own growth to allow these changes to happen and rise to the challenges this brings you.
Another thing I have learned is that nothing is random, everything has a purpose. It’s important to find the lessons so that you can move on and grow. One of the most important lessons that I have had to learn and I want to share with you, is that staying in the light is one of the best things you can do to take care of you and your soul. What do I mean by that? I mean that finding the joy in the simplest things, looking for magic inside the ordinary, and finding the silver lining to every challenge, that’s where your focus needs to go. The moment you allow doubt, fear, anger, regret and all the other lower level feelings to enter your life and rule you is the moment you attract more of what you don’t want.
Long story short, I have learned that sometimes you need to be like this queen. You need to sit alone, and take care of you. Set your boundaries, maintain those boundaries, and don’t let the world break you down. You need to take care of your own soul, replenish your own spirit before you can take care of anyone else. Stay in the light my friends, and this becomes so much easier. The light lifts you up and everyone else around you will notice.
There’s a plan for each of us, sacrifice and saying goodbye is sometimes part of it. Everyone’s journey will be different and often it changes direction when you least expect it. The one thing you can control is how you respond to it. If you need to, it’s ok to pull back, it’s ok to say no, it’s ok to do a little work on yourself first. The world can wait.
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EricaMadHawk@yahoo.com
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Thank you for reading my blog. You are why I do what I do 💙
-Erica
Powerful Erica, we love you <3!