Today’s card, from Anna K Tarot, gave me pause. I flipped it over and had a feeling that there was a specific message for me, maybe you too, as we head in to the holiday season. Especially if you’ve lost someone dear to you.
The strength card, a young woman (virgin, maiden) with a lion. At first glance this seems simple. It’s obviously about this young woman being able to control the lion right? It is...but this is tarot, so there’s a few more layers.
The lion represents brute strength and fierceness. This animal survives on instinct and being able to kill its prey efficiently and expertly. It could eat this young woman...it could shred her. The maiden represents restraint. Her strength isn’t as obvious. She’s able to subdue this wild animal with her kindness, and the kind of strength that lies behind the courage of facing her fears. Her strength is just as important as the more visible kind, it’s just as fierce , it’s just as strong, and it’s just as useful. This card is showing us that these two types of strength need to be in harmony within us in order to truly be strong.
We’ve all read about the sudden burst of strength someone has in times of immediate danger. A mother can lift a car off of her child if need be. The human body produces chemicals that enable this in times of stress. When this becomes unbalanced it can turn into rage. A child that is in a fit of rage can break chairs, an adult can put their hand through a wall. These feats of strength can be as destructive as they are beneficial.
Then there are those strong silent types. These people never crack under pressure and are relied on to get everyone through tough times. When the poop hits the fan, everyone turns to them to see what they do. When you need this strength you call upon the very core of who you are and you pull yourself through it. There are many sayings that fit this—put your big girl panties on, never let them see you sweat, fake it til you make it, and so on. As a society we place high value on this trait and there’s a lot of pressure involved. What if you can’t do this, what if you don’t measure up...and you flood yourself with doubt. Society turns on you because you are expected to be strong....but there’s a cost here people won’t talk about.
Just like when physical strength is out of balance, inner strength must also be balanced. Someone who is strong all the time builds up walls to hold everything in. At some point, the walls won’t be enough, and because they’ve never asked for or accepted help—they don’t know how. This can lead to a serious crisis for them. Someone who is always expected to be strong may be the one crying alone at home. You can be so strong that you scare everyone off. If you push people away, deny the help offered, eventually people just stop coming by. They assume you’ve got it covered.
Which one are you? Do you prefer to be physically strong, do you show your love with work effort? Is sweat equity how you show value of yourself and others? Do you lose your temper and fight, throw punches or plates? Or maybe you are the quiet one that shows strength by never crying or showing emotion. Maybe you are the one that everyone brings their troubles too and you solve them while quietly and privately battling your own demons. Are you the one that talks evenly with carefully chosen words that can silence a room? Whichever you are, are you balanced?
I find that I am more the quiet strength. I can assure you that I spend more time out of balance with this than I should, and it costs me my physical and emotional health. I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of Brandon’s death, a household move to a different state, an out of darkness walk with AFSP.org/Jax and the family gathering holidays. It’s a lot to take on, and it’s made harder because I won’t ask for or accept help. I know I should, and this is something I need to work on more.
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it gives you an opportunity for a fresh perspective. Maybe YOUR way is not the ONLY way to get something done! (GASP...truth be told this smacks me pretty hard) I may never know there are different ways of doing things if I never allow others to show me. You can’t know what you’ve never learned, right? Think about that for a minute. When you are first trying something new do you expect things to go perfectly the very first time? As a kid you had teachers, you had someone there to show you and help you master skills. Why is it any different as an adult? There’s strength in knowing when you need help.
Do you remember watching Tammy Baker cry on tv underneath all those spidery eyelashes? We all made fun of her didn’t we? Society isn’t kind to people they think are weak so we learn pretty early on to hide everything. The Brits say—keep a stiff upper lip....and they bury emotions because that’s what they are taught. Americans are a little freer with emotions in general but the most powerful people are never shown breaking under pressure. Why do we equate that with strength? It’s because crying adults makes us all uncomfortable. It’s because we know we need a good cry too, and wish we could just have a breakdown and not be picked on. Crying isn’t showing weakness, it shows that you are in touch with your emotions and you are strong enough to have the courage to share them. It’s far easier to bury it than it is to feel it, I know because I’m an expert.
This card was sent to me at a time when I have a number of life changing challenges. In order to survive each one of them, I’ll need physical strength. I’ll need to do some heavy lifting, and keep some long hours. I’ll also need the quiet strength and courage to face my emotional trials, and allow myself to feel...everything. People will be looking to me, to see how I’m holding up. They’ll use words like—you are so strong, how do you do it....and I’ll stockpile those kind words and try boost myself up, but—I’ve got to also have the strength to admit I can no longer build walls. I have to let people in, I have to be vulnerable and I have to accept the loving help that will be offered. I can’t do this alone, and it’s time to realize that there’s a strength in knowing your limits, and finding ways to grow beyond them WITH OTHERS.
Where are you on your journey? The family gathering holidays are coming fast and for those of us facing an empty place setting—are you ready to accept help getting through this? You aren’t weak, and showing your vulnerability to people that love you makes you even stronger. I want you to know, REALLY KNOW, that you don’t have to do things the hard way every time. Everyone already knows your strength, they’ve seen it in action. There’s a difference between giving up and accepting help too...but you know this. It’s time to change your perception of strength and your need to always be the strong one....this is a message to myself and all the others just like me. (Cue the Lean On Me music...are you singing it? ) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vhwiYThNZDM
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