Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day isn’t quite the same when you have lost a child.
Losing Brandon to suicide was life shattering. I don’t think it’s possible to truly recover from such an unexpected loss. However, I am healing. My soul will remain deeply scarred from a wound that ripped it like it did….but even in that loss there is purpose. Nothing is coincidental or random. I know that now more than ever.
It’s said that significant trauma or loss can open gifts of the spirit that were always there, just not used. That’s exactly what happened to me. But it’s not enough to have a gift or talent, you need a mentor, a tutor who can help you practice and master those skills. That’s what my last few entries were about. Today I’m going to talk about what it’s like for me to connect and read spirit.
This is different for everyone. Spirit uses what’s within you to communicate to you. Your knowledge base is like a databank they draw from to convey messages to you. For me, spirit started with music. I have a strong love for music and seem to have collected lyrics in my head. I know it’s a message when the song comes out of nowhere, triggered by a picture sometimes, and it lands on repeat. It keeps going until I figure out the message.
Mediumship is subtle like that. When I was first learning, I thought it would be like a booming voice I would hear inside my head, and I kept waiting for that to happen. I also thought a spirit would just materialize and I would just see them. Some people might—I do not, not for either thing. My mediumship is all within me.
Do you know why your guide speaks to you through that little voice in your head that sounds an awful lot like your own voice? Think about that for a sec; when you say you have a little voice in your head that helps give you insight…what does it sound like to you? It’s your own voice or a variation of your voice right? This is because if it was a big booming voice or stranger’s voice in your head you’d be TERRIFIED.
All along I’ve had this voice in my head helping me, and as I’ve come to trust it, trust the feelings that come with it, it’s grown stronger. This is intuition. There’s a lot of debate as to whether this is instinct, a message from your higher brain, or celestial like a spirit guide or Angel. I’ll leave that up to you to decide. A name for this is clairaudience.
Some people also see spirit or symbols. I have not had much luck developing this skill. I can’t even get past my Aphantasia during meditation so it stands to reason that this gift called clairvoyance isn’t growing very fast for me.
Some people can smell and taste spirit or representations of spirit. These are known as lesser clairs called clairalience, sense of smell and clairgutterance sense of taste. I actually DO have these sensations, and it totally weirded me out when I realized what was happening. In fact, this began right after spirit began connecting using music. I typically will smell oranges and cinnamon when my guide is around me working. When I practice with a fellow student and begin to connect I will start off right away with that smell, then it fades to something connected to the spirit I’m visiting with. I might smell grass, bread baking, diesel, or even cigarette smoke. Sometimes, if it’s important to the identity of the spirit I will taste a food memory. This is not always a pleasant experience though, neither are some smells.
My main skill seems to be claircognizance. This is knowing or being aware of something without being told. It’s sometimes called seeing with your minds eye. Like I had mentioned before, using an apple to demonstrate; some people can bring up an image and see in meditation that Apple. I only have an awareness of that Apple.
When I connect to a spirit that’s visiting, I will feel a chill, I might even shiver. It begins in my center though and spreads out through my crown. It can make me feel very emotional, and sometimes I laugh, sometimes I have tears—to be clear these are not my feelings, this is simply how I react when spirit is close. Then my visitor will work within my databank brain to find things common between us that they can use to help me identify who they are or whatever message they want to convey.
It’s important for me to let you know at this point that people in spirit are EXACTLY as they were in life. Death doesn’t change you all that much, not your core personality. In fact, I treat them as if they are still “alive”, as you’d treat any person. I was taught to never use a so called laundry list in questions in my head to figure out things for this reason. Would you want to continue to talk with someone that kept interrupting you with impersonal questions? Who are you? Are you male or female? What is your relationship to the sitter? How did you die? Etc. No, I don’t do that. I let spirit lead with whatever they want. I simply “give what I get” to the sitter waiting in front of me.
I like to have a picture, but I don’t need one. A picture helps me connect to THAT spirit. Without one, I will still be able to connect but it will be with whoever wants to chat. Most often I will hear a song that was important to them, and that’s usually where I begin. The connection is tentative at first, and if they want to continue with me, they will strengthen that bond. Some spirits are quieter than others. All spirits are excited to connect.
It is so rewarding to make that connection and bring forward healing for that living person who just wants to know their loved one is ok. I feel like every time I do this, it heals me just a little more, and ensures that I continue to honor Brandon’s sacrifice, and the gifts given to me through that terrible moment.
Lastly, because I know you are wondering, I can’t connect directly to Brandon like I do other spirits. I am aware he’s around me, and at times he will send me a special moment, but I don’t get to visit with him like I do others. Believe me, I have tried. I thought that if I took those classes and really worked on my skills that I’d be able to—but that’s not how it’s worked out for me. Instead, he chooses to come through another student practicing with me, a kind of reward for doing the work.
Thank you for continuing to read my blog about my mediumship journey. Please reach out if you have any questions through a comment here or on my Facebook page. (Link below)
Much Love,
MadHawk
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